Harry Potter and the Biker Gangs of Hogsmeade
by chewynut
Summary: A oneshot musical spectacular spectacular featuring some of our favourite stars singing, on motorbikes! AU, no romance, contains blood. OOTP but no DH spoilers.


Lauren Thomas; Harry Potter and the Gangs of Hogsmeade – Version 6

Word count 2, 347.

**Harry Potter and the Gangs of Hogsmeade.**

_The stage is shadowed and silent. It has four ramps for access just visible in the gloom; one on each side – left, right, front and back._

_A faint white spotlight focuses upon the centre of the stage on Gnarly Dumbles. He is casually straddling an 'Old Indian' motorcycle._

[Gnarly Dumbles "**Once there was a man; a legendary Lone Rider who cruised the highways seeking adventure. He owned London – it was his patch that he rode, commandeering the streets all on his own."**

_A second, red spotlight appears high on the ramp directly behind Gnarly Dumbles. It focuses upon Voldemort, leaning against his Hellcycle._

[Voldemort "**This arrangement worked well and he became King of the Hood. An influence to kids – reminding them to be good. But there was one guy he missed who seized the opportunity left by the aging deity. The Death Eaters rode wild **

**And they rode free, vandalising and terrorising Gnarly's territory."**

_The stage is backlit by orange lights to reveal numerous bikers around the stage._

[James "**As a Lone Rider there was a lot Gnarly could take, but as the Death eaters rioted, they made a mistake. Gnarly allowed them the left of them Thames whilst he rode to the right, but that wasn't enough thus they began to fight. The Death eaters disliked Gnarly's boundaries; they wanted the biker town of Hogsmeade."**

[Lucius "**Enough was enough and Gnarly finally snapped. He formed the Phoenix's to seize control back."**

[Sirius "**Whilst Voldemort lead his riotous band, Lucius Malfoy was his second in command. With a hatred of pedestrians and Phoenix's alike, he loved to shoot them from the seat of his bike. James Potter was his nemesis, a dedicated family man. A wonderful father and the second for the Phoenix gang."**

[Severus "**Severus Snape and Sirius Black once made a childhood pack. Out of pure hared, a quest for vengeance was born. Kicking and screaming but alas it was sworn." **

_The stage falls silent as the spotlights fade away leaving only the dim orange glow. All bikers mount their engines._

_The sound of twelve different motorcycle engines being kick-started breaks the hush before an extended introduction to '__**Born Free'**__ begins. _

_Multicoloured strobe lights flare from all directions as the bikers begin to move. _

_All twelve follow set paths._

[Voldemort [Gnarly Dumbles "**Baby, start your engine. Look out 'cross the highway. Looking for our future. It's written in the stars."**

'_Stars' triggers several pyrotechnic explosions. The flashes illuminate the bikers. Smoke fills the set._

[All ** "The skies shine red with blood tonight. Bodies strewn and eyes so bright. Dulling in the glow of the headlights."**

_All stage light fades, only leaving the motorbike headlights._

[All "**Oh…what a magnificent sight!"**

_The music quietens until it is drowned out by the motorbikes. Then it builds to a crescendo. A bell tolls loudly._

[All "**Cruising down the highway looking for adventure. Riding to be free to live life our way…"**

_The bikers exit the stage. The lights are dimmed to hide the exchange of the set. Engines are constantly revved offstage._

_The stage relights to show the Leaky Cauldron set as the engine noise dies away. Harry stands behind the large wooden bar polishing a chipped glass with a rag._

_A battered wooden sign proclaiming 'The Leaky Cauldron' creaks high above his head in an imaginary breeze. Harry doesn't look up until the sound of a Harley-Davidson engine exhaust echoes hauntingly across the dimly lit stage._

_When Harry looks up, the audience sees tyre-track like scars diagonally across his face. He carefully sets the glass down on a shelf behind him and throws the rag over his shoulder as the noise continues, growing louder as if a bike is approaching. _

_Harry pours a glass of whiskey and looks expectantly across to the left, to a set of stage doors. He sets the whiskey down. He starts when the engine noise stops and snatches up the whiskey, downing the drink in one and shuddering at the burn. _

_Harry slams the empty glass down on the bar as if trying to shatter it._

[Harry 'I always forget that he's not coming…never coming back.'

_He glances longingly high into the roof as if attempting to peer into Heaven._

[Harry 'Snape was the one who committed the crime, right in front of my father's eyes. I wasn't there to hold his hand when he died. Remus was though and Remus cries when he's pissed and depressed with no one to turn to except me…'

_Harry both looks and sounds bitter as he pours himself another whiskey. He gulps it down, clutching the glass as if it is all that he has left in the world._

[Harry 'Attend the tale of Sirius Black. If you listen carefully, I'll take you right back to the days of glory that begin this story. When there wasn't a care in the world and riding was simply for fun. Born to be wild he was the Devil's son. Poor, Poor Padfoot…the wild child…'

_The light fades on the stage to a murky darkness as the introduction to __**'Futile Rebellions'**__ begins. As soon as characters and props are onstage, the lighting brightens to a sunny day._

_The set is still the Leaky Cauldron set but now Remus and Barty sit on tatty stools by the bar. Draco and Tonks are sat at two separate tables. All five have drinks and empty glasses are scattered all over. The set has a morbid, deathly feel. _

[Draco "**Rebellion isn't all that it seems."**

[Tonks "**Pull a loose thread; it falls apart at the seams."**

[Remus "**Like sand from a hand or ideas in dreams…"**

[Barty "**Born to be wild is simply false hope for losers to turn to when all else fails."**

[Draco "**When the world steals the wind from your sails…"**

[Remus "**All we have is each other and that's not enough."**

[Barty "**Had to learn to survive cos the going got tough-"**

_The stage doors burst open and Sirius Black hurries in with his guns in hand. He jumps up onto the Phoenix's table._

[Sirius 'Winged with steel they cruise the streets! The soldiers of fortune will ride in the sights of the enemy's gun! Those who have taken their oaths tonight are well prepared! They know they'll do or die even if its suicide!'

[Remus 'Sirius? What the hell are you going on about now?'

_Sirius jumps flamboyantly off of the table and shoves his guns into leather holsters on his thighs. Engines rev offstage._

_Sirius smiles a wicked, lopsided grin. Both Harry and Remus's expressions change; they've seen that look before._

[Sirius 'Gang fight! On Prophecy Lane! Voldemort and Gnarly!'

_At his mocking shout, all except Remus, Sirius and Harry pile out of the doors. Sirius makes to leave but Remus grabs him fiercely by the collar and shoves him against the bar. Harry watches apprehensively._

[Remus 'What's going on there? Is it friend or foe? Is there even a fight or are you just stirring it all again? Gnarly will go nuts, Sirius!'

_Sirius laughs manically and breaks free of Remus's hold. He runs pell-mell up the ramp leading to the left balcony. He turns once he reaches the top. Remus shouts after him._

[Remus 'You don't have to get involved all the time! For once in your life, Sirius, watch from the sidelines! Your recklessness will get you killed!'

[Sirius 'Let us take a chance as the skies will burn red with blood tonight! Wasted lives and spirits run free on the wings of no return! Death is the next great adventure, Remus! Live a little!'

_Sirius exits the stage. Remus turns to Harry who can only shrug. Remus sighs and rakes a hand through his messy hair._

[Remus 'He's going to get himself killed if he carries on being a fool, Harry…I'd better go and try to forestall his death for just a few more days…'

_Remus hurries offstage leaving Harry to collect beer glasses._

[Harry 'There he goes riding to his grave. This time it won't just be a close shave. He'll start a war that nobody wants nor needs, ignoring every single one of our pleas. He pays no attention, lives to be wild. Poor, poor Padfoot, the Devil's child.'

_The light fades as he speaks leaving the stage in darkness. As soon as the set has been cleared, pyrotechnics burst into life. Explosions, bangs and gunshots echo repeatedly. The rest of the theatre is sinisterly dark. _

_Ten riders burst out of the darkness, guns blazing as they follow another carefully timed path. However, nobody is aiming to kill as there is an uneasy truce; nobody wants to be the first to spill blood._

[Voldemort "**Keep your throttle open, Dumbles and flee towards the skies! See how freely flows the blood of those who moralize!"**

[Fenrir "**Blood is thicker than engine oil but twice as shocking to see! Be it a bucket or a spurt from the gullet, it signals a victory!"**

_Sirius and Severus appear riding exceedingly fast down the front ramp from the audience. Severus is chasing Sirius who is obviously aiming to kill from the murderous look on his face. Sirius rides for his life up the ramp towards the back of the stage._

_Severus skids to a stop centre stage and takes aim just as Sirius reaches the top and vanishes._

_Severus fires. A crash and a yell are heard in the darkness. The lights dim to almost twilight as Sirius tumbles back down the ramp without his bike. He tears his brown leather jacket off. The embroidered Phoenix is soaked with blood. _

_James abandons his bike and rushes forward. Sirius chokes, groping out for him. The Death Eaters fade into the darkness leaving the remaining Phoenix's in a semi-circle around the pair on the floor._

[James (Whispers) 'Sirius…Padfoot…don't leave me. Don't you dare leave me…Padfoot…?'

_The Phoenix's kneel, two hiding Sirius from view. James's sobs fade into the sound of engines as the Death Eaters cruise past. Severus is last. He glances back smugly._

[Severus 'Revenge – best served hot with a bullet straight down the gullet – or better yet! In the back! Vengeance is mine, Sirius Black!'

_The stage fades to darkness. When it relights, Harry is back behind the Leaky Cauldron bar. A fog machine pools smoke around his ankles. It glitters like Harry's eyes. The bar is draped in black and Harry is wearing a plain black armband. The introduction to __**'The Wild End' **__starts softly._

[Harry "**There's nowhere now that you can run. Your time has come and gone."**

_As Harry sings, The Phoenix's enter from the right in a funeral procession. All are wearing black armbands embroidered with a blood red phoenix in mid-flight. Gnarly, Remus, James and Tonks are carrying a sleek black coffin which they place on pith in front of the bar. _

_At the same time, The Death Eaters enter from the left. Their armbands are embroidered with a green skull with a gun through the mouth and eye socket._

[All "**It's the call of the wild calling you…"**

_All except Harry drop to one knee. The Death Eaters are reluctant and do not bow their heads like the Phoenix's._

[Harry "**I looked to you for guidance but you only said to run and never stop. **Never stop…"

_Harry turns away, hands clenched. The two groups stand and face each other. The Phoenix's are furious at how smug the Death Eaters look._

[Gnarly Dumbles 'Do you know what this means? This means war!'

[All "**It's the call of the wild calling you…"**

[James 'Do you know what this means? This means war!'

_Harry pours a glass of whiskey and slowly walks around the bar. He walks in between the two groups as they sing. When he passes his father, James reaches out to gently squeeze his hand._

[Phoenixes "**Devil's son, you were supposed to be the hero and lead us through the dark shining brightly like a bike light in the night but now you're gone…"**

_Harry gently places the whiskey on top of the coffin and falls to his knees. He rests his head upon the wood to hide his face._

[Death Eaters "**Fear of the Devil had no place amongst the brave. Faced with pain, there's a battle to be won and you lost it."**

[James 'You know that this means revenge, Severus, of the cruellest kind. I won't stop until the streets run red with your blood and your head is mine!'

[Severus (Quietly) 'Bring it on.'

[All "**It's the call of the wild calling you."**

_James approaches Severus but doesn't touch him. His eyes are full of nothing below utter loathing._

[James (Quietly) 'This means war…For every drop of his blood that you spilt; I'll spill a pint of yours.'

_Everyone falls silent although they continue to mouth as if Harry has pressed a mute button. Harry ignores them to gently stroke the coffin. He smiles sadly._

[Harry 'Padfoot's got the fear of the Devil burning his soul. The engines are dying as his bells begin to toll. He's afraid of going home as his adventures as an end. Oh poor, poor Padfoot, if only you'd listened to your friends…'

_When Harry finishes, all twelve take out their guns and fire a salute towards the roof. The smoke allows for the riders to leave, taking the coffin and extra props with them. Harry stands Behind the bar again, whiskey in hand. He sighs heavily, raking a tired hand through his hair._

[Harry 'That's how it began, this gangland war. Sirius Black was just the first to fall. And after him, the streets shone red. Tainted and stinking with the blood of the dead.'

_A soft orangey red light shines from the east to represent the sunrise. Harry turns away as if it hurts his eyes._

[Harry 'See that horizon over there? Oranges and reds and gold's…cheerful just to spite me and mock me! How can the sun rise and make the world feel so warm when so many things are going so wrong? Being tainted with blood being spilt like cheap wine, whether it be by hand, by gun or the plunge of a knife…'

11


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